At What Cost?
by Paper Pearls
Summary: Response to honeybeebeauty's 'Unlikely Pairings' challenge. During the post war celebrations Remus finds himself disillusioned and feeling alone. Perhaps Narcissa Malfoy feels the same horror. Perhaps not.


**This is my response to **_**honeybeebeauty's**_** "Unlikely Pairings" challenge. Happy Valentine's day.**

****

_The war was over_. This was the thought that echoed around Remus Lupin's mind, amplifying rather than attenuating. He hadn't expected to survive, truth be told, and certainly not unscathed, perfectly capable of living a long and natural life. He turned to watch his one time lover, animated in conversation with Ginny Weasley concerning some quidditch team or another. They were attending a meal inside Hogwarts with all of the surviving participants of the war and the roar of cheerful chatter, in some cases feigned and in others genuine, did nothing to fill the empty spaces that belonged to the dead. And so many were dead- this was all that he could think about. He certainly didn't grudge the newfound happiness of Tonks or any of the others eager to put the ugliness of the past behind them, in fact it was good that they were giving so much thought to the future that they would all build, but the price of defeating Voldemort had been high. _Was it too high?_ The thought plagued him.

"Remus? Remus, are you alright?" Judging by the look of concern on her face it wasn't the first time Tonks had tried to get his attention. She tucked a strand of her shoulder length purple hair behind an ear before continuing.

"Yes, yes, I'm just tired." Despite the dark circles under his eyes providing a plausible alibi, Remus knew that Tonks didn't believe him- they knew one another too well now. She raised one slender eye brow and nodded slowly, looking at him in a way which conveyed her scepticism in a way that only he would notice. After squeezing his hand Tonks returned to her discussion with the youngest Weasley.

To his other side sat Kingsley Shaklebolt whose hearty laugh and witty remarks drew in the attention of everyone else in the vicinity. The horror Remus felt at the atrocities committed in the war was reflected in the darker wizard's eyes, he knew it, but the difference was that Kingsley could continue to function as he usually did, taking care with social niceties, drinking wine with friends over dinner and above all else remaining focussed on the happenings of the present. Being sat at his old place on the Gryffindor benches didn't help Remus to step away from the past and the pain and loss that separated him from it. He could recall James and Sirius making anything and everything into a joke, even hear their voices from time to time, and the way that Peter had watched them... Minerva McGonagall sat in the headmaster's seat, her hair more salt than pepper than it had been even a month ago, but other than this she betrayed no external sign of the hardships she had endured. The seat she sat in, as much as Remus respected and cared for his old head of house, would always belong to Dumbledore in his opinion. There were no words to describe the way in which Albus' death had grieved so many people. Minerva caught him staring and a smile slid onto her angular features without a snag. He looked away, desperately trying to find something else on which to fix his eyes.

The Malfoy family sat at the Slytherin table, and despite the involvement of the elder two in Death Eater activities and the contribution they had put into the murders of those members of the Order no longer living, they ate alongside everyone who had worked towards the demise of their master; Voldemort. Lucius managed to maintain the facade of the bored aristocrat, eyebrows quirked in disdain, mouth pursed in a sneer, but the feral glint in his eyes and the beads of sweat that Remus' sight allowed him to see from this distance betrayed the man's evident discomfort. To his left, Draco attempted to ape his father despite the unfortunate circumstances it had led him to before now. The sneer plastered to the boy's trembling mouth made him look like an upset infant, and the pale hands gripping the cutlery were shaking. To the left of Lucius sat Narcissa, the only Malfoy who appeared to be genuinely detached from the ongoing celebration. She sat straight backed on the bench, and something subtle in her posture proclaimed that the seating was beneath her dignity. Her azure eyes were slightly unfocussed underneath a gently frowning brow and her lips were parted as though she wanted to say something but couldn't find the words to explain what she felt.

Suddenly Narcissa returned from her unknowable thoughts and fixed her eyes on him. Her gaze transfixed Remus and he was momentarily immobile, as though he had been turned to stone by Medusa. _I know_, was the message her eyes conveyed, _and it is unbearable_. She tore her attention from him and stood, leaning down to whisper something into Lucius' ear that not even Remus' extra sensitive hearing could pick up before turning on her heel and leaving the hall, the gossamer material of her gown billowing behind her.

Molly Weasley stood; her ample personage swollen with unconcealed rage, and blocked the path between the tables that the blonde witch had sought to take out of the hall. The sharp and distinct clicks made by Narcissa's heels ceased as she stopped her elegant stride. As though anticipating conflict, the crowd's hubbub of speech was reduced to hushed whispers, the sound vaguely reminiscent of Autumnal leaves being blown in the wind. There wasn't a single eye that hadn't been fixed on the two women standing opposite, one's heart known to be warm and maternal and the other's widely believed to be ice. There was a contrast in beliefs, personalities and looks; the Weasley matriarch was petite, round and soft, whereas Narcissa was tall, slender and possessed a frosty kind of beauty. Molly was the first to speak after it became clear that the blonde would not deign to.

"You cold, calculating, evil creature! My _son_ is dead because of you and your lot and you ought to be made to pay. So you got cold feet when you saw that Voldemort couldn't win," there was a collective intake of breath which Remus attributed both to Molly's use of a name that for many years had been taboo, and also because of the way she openly provoked Narcissa Malfoy. Arthur stood and placed a comforting hand on his wife's arm, attempting to pull her away from the other witch and salvage the atmosphere of a united body. "But that does not mean to say that your family were loyal to our cause. _Arthur, let me go_!" The command was shouted and it bounced forcefully from the stone walls, passing through the hall in overlapping waves.

"My sister died at your hand; not by the indirect consequences of your actions, but by your hand." Narcissa did not speak with the volume of Mrs Weasley, but she commanded the attention of everyone with her clear enunciation and low, melodious voice. "Unless you can somehow right this wrong then I suggest that you do not look me in the eye- you don't deserve to." Her posture remained perfect but Remus could see that Narcissa Malfoy was as tense as a bow. She knew as well as he did that drawing attention to her connection with Bellatrix LeStrange was unwise as it would only serve to dredge up resentment towards those who had sided with Voldemort. Molly Weasley's mouth gaped and instead of waiting until she could formulate words, she picked up a nearby pitcher of juice and cast the entire contents over Narcissa's blue satin dress.

The delicate gasp Narcissa gave was not loud, but it was so remarkably uncharacteristic that nobody could look away from her. Whether it was from shock or fear, she staggered gracefully backwards- Remus had not known that anyone could stagger with grace until he had seen her move away from Molly Weasley- and it was though a dam had been torn down and the pent up aggression was released. Without warning Tonks clambered over the table and shoved her aunt, anger turning her hair into a shade that could only be described as Weasley red.

"You and Bellatrix nearly destroyed my mother. That piece of work died and it's time for you to follow." She pushed Narcissa again, this time harder, and she tripped over the hem of her gown, falling backwards. There was a sickening thump as her head made contact with the edge of the wooden bench. Nobody moved to help her, some looking resolutely in the other direction, and a scant few watching with perverse fascination. Remus was rooted to the spot. With a slight groan, the fallen witch turned over and used the bench to pull herself into a sitting position. She looked over to where her family had been seated last and performed a double take before fear edged its way onto her sculpted features. Remus followed her line of sight and saw that Lucius and Draco Malfoy were gone- they had abandoned her. The bruise blossoming and the trickle of blood stemming from Narcissa's temple made her look particularly vulnerable. Before he understood what he was doing Remus leapt over the table and stood between Tonks and Narcissa, the now sobbing Molly presenting less of a threat than the young auror.

"Back off Tonks, this isn't what you want. There's been enough death here without you adding to the total." Something strange passed through her eyes and she nodded. With surprising agility Narcissa Malfoy sprung to her feet and tottered from the hall, her steps slightly precarious attempting to run away from the hostility. Remus turned and strode after her, allowing the witch to pass through the door that led to the Hogwarts grounds before he stopped her with a firm hand on her shoulder. Narcissa spun to face him, wand drawn and eyes animalistic, but she hadn't taken her dizziness into account and would have fallen down the remaining stairs if Remus hadn't taken a firm hold of her.

"You need to sit down Madam Malfoy." He sat on the step, easing her swaying form down with him. "Lean over and put your head down- you'll feel better in a minute." Too dazed to argue, Narcissa did as he bid her, the ruffled curtain of her hair falling dramatically in front of her head. The way she was shaking concerned Remus and so he held on to her, making sure that she wouldn't fall, until it occurred to him that she was sobbing. He took her by the shoulders and gently pulled her into a sitting position, amazed at the sight of bitter tears decorating her cheeks. Made slightly awkward by her penetrating gaze, Remus brushed away her tears as gently as he could until they had all but stopped. "Madam Malfoy, I- what's the matter?" She gave Remus her most withering glance.

"I have nowhere to go, belonging neither here nor at Malfor Manor, my husband has just _publically disowned me_ and I'm likely to be assassinated at any time really, but those _insignificant, trifling_ concerns aside I am marvellous." She sniffed, looking almost frightened.

"I'm sorry about Lucius... that must be a difficult loss." When she gave a very unladylike throaty laugh that caused her eyes to water once more, Remus wondered if she was hysterical. He looked across the grassy expanse of land that had acted as a backdrop for some of his best childhood memories, and all of his worst adult experiences and then turned back to Narcissa- it was easier to deal with her than the raw wound left by the recent battle.

"I never loved him, you fool. In fact I'd rather continue living without him, if it didn't mean that I lost my son to him, the house I gave birth in and my home for almost twenty years. Draco is lost to his influence and there's no way I can save him from a distance- I'm his mother but there's only so much that even I can do in a letter. I'm a Black, and that counts for more than you could imagine so it isn't the money I have to worry about, and my jewels are kept in my vault, or having a place in society. But now Voldemort is passé that isn't an option for any one of his followers. I can't stay here because once the food is finished they'll rip me apart and eat my roasted flesh for supper." She gave Remus a grim smile.

"Do you regret it?"

"Regret what?" She looked bored, sultry and tired.

"Joining Voldemort." Narcissa didn't reply for several minutes, thinking carefully.

"Yes, for the most part. He planted so much hatred in my son, led my weak grasping husband astray, drove my sister, my best friend, to what professional healers would term insanity, and he.... he ruined whatever pleasure I once took in this life of.... privilege. He made everything seem obscene; any ideas I had about purity died a long time ago. They bleed like we do, they feel what we feel... it makes no difference." Remus nodded sagely. "Why did you want to know? So that you could tell yourself that you saved someone worth saving, and that you've finally succeeded in tipping the scales just a little so that James Potter, Sirius Black, Albus Dumbledore, your nearest and dearest being gone has in some way offset the wrongs done to end their lives?" The mocking look she gave him made Remus' blood boil; how dare she speak of _them_ like that?

"You're no better off than me. You're an unwanted outsider with no place in this world."

"So the wolf has teeth after all." She gave a wry smile, but the look in her eyes told Remus that his words had gotten under her skin. It didn't make him feel any better: in fact it made the situation worse.

"Stay with me." It seemed like the most natural solution to her problems, and for some reason the thought gave him a sense of satisfaction.

"Have you lost your mind, Lupin?" She sneered at him.

"No. You'll be safe with me- nobody will come after you that way, and you'll have a place to be." Her expression was unreadable and Remus thought that she was considering his proposal until Narcissa turned, leant over and kissed him in one fluid motion. It wasn't passionate- it was a chaste and surprisingly gentle exchange. As she drew away, leaving him bathed in the scent of lilies, he realised that her lips were soft and warm; not quite what he had expected.

"So _this_ is what you want in exchange for protecting me this evening." Narcissa looked incredulous as she spoke, but her surprise turned into a wry smile. He couldn't help but lick his lips at the thought of what had just occurred.

"I don't mean for you to do anything of the sort- what I offer is a home without any such... obligation. I'll do everything I can to keep you safe without making any such demand of you." Narcissa's thin eyebrows rose in perfect unison. Her disbelief was evident.

"Then... what would you like? I have money, shares, diamonds... Name your price. At what cost am I to be given sanctuary in your home?" She seemed utterly resigned to the idea of making some kind of payment, but there had been enough cost by greed in his lifetime.

"I have none. I would sooner see you keep your freedom." Her eyes widened and for a split second Remus could have sworn that he saw hope in them, but it was gone a second later, replaced by the cool demeanour Narcissa Malfoy most commonly displayed. She stood, balance almost completely recovered, walked down the remaining few stairs and sat on the bottom one, turning first left then right as though searching for something. Remus watched her, not moving from his position.

"Why would you do that?" She sounded almost accusing, her voice a sharp whisper that wouldn't have been audible to anyone without his sensitive hearing.

"For several reasons;" Narcissa jumped slightly- she hadn't expected a reply. "Because it's the right thing, because I don't wish to see you hurt, because I can do it even if it doesn't change anything and because your place is even less certain than mine." Finally she turned, eyes guarded.

"You'd swear to it?" Remus nodded.

"I swear that you may share my home for as long as you please, at no cost of any nature to yourself." Narcissa allowed herself a small smile, hesitant, and the only genuine one that he had ever seen gracing her face. The result was simply stunning; her beauty was describes as being as sharp as a knife, but now Narcissa looked pretty as well as beautiful, her awkwardness creating a sense of fragility about her. For the first time Remus considered her without recalling her dark past.

"Very well then, I accept." It was only when Remus felt himself relax that he realised that he had been tense ever since making the offer. For the first time since the war had ended he felt that something wholly good had been achieved.

****

**Thanks for reading. Please review.**


End file.
